Rollercoasting :-))-:

Hello,

Well, here I am, back again :-) I'm having a funny ol' week with highs and lows - like everyone does I suppose. I'm feeling pretty chipper, though.

Tuesday night I went to see an old and very good friend of mine - Alan - who was kind of a surrogate father figure to me while I was growing up. (I'm 34 and he's 50.) Him and his wife took me into their hearts and home when I literally had nowhere else to turn. I lived with them for three months after turning up on their doorstep at midnight, aged thirteen, having just run away from home (not alone but with my mum and brother too - a violent stepfather situation). The person who took my mother and bro' in had no room for me, in spite of wont! Anyway, it's been quite a long time since I saw him (eight years in fact) due to becoming very reclusive as I hit the height of my weight problems/depression/self consciousness etc.! However, the second we saw each other we fell into each others arms and the years just melted away. It was magic. We had a few drinks (not too many point watching Angel, lol) listenened to old familiar (familial - heehee) songs and before we knew it we'd been talking for five hours! T'was a real lift. :-) and I'm still smiling thinking about it.

On to a more serious note... I'm having a bit of emotional turmoil in the form of my dear brother, Paul, unfortunately. He's close to me in age and soul (20 months younger) and due to our upbringing we're the closest people in our family, always having been there for each other, seeing each other as often as possible, spending lots of time together and not being frigid (with feelings) like the rest of the dispersed 'clan'. In fact he's got my eldest son with him as I type and he's been the only real father figure to my sons, as their own father is periodically present but incapable.
I love my brother dearly but he's being a complete twerp at the moment. I think a bit of history is needed here. (God this is turning into an autobiography - sorry, I just need an outlet and I s'pose a blog is the best place)...
As my brother was being delivered to my tiny mother he got stuck upon his entry to the world and as a result suffered severe oxygen starvation which caused kidney failure and very mild cerebral palsy.
His kidneys held out until he was fifteen and he had to go on kidney dialysis, followed by a transplant at 18 and again at 24. He's now 32 and due to not looking after himself properly (as in food, medication, check-ups and much else) his health has deteriorated greatly over the past year.
A year ago the doctors told him there were signs of rejection and he needed a biopsy of the transplanted kidney - but having had one before he decided there's no way he'd lay still for 12 hours, as required, after the procedure and hasn't been seen by a doctor since. (He needs regular 3-monthly blood tests based on usual results). He's reached a point now where it's live or die to be honest and he won't listen to me or anyone. He's now run out of anti-rejection steroids and other required medications and is looking pretty bad. I fear he'll not survive much longer without medical intervention.
How do you make a thirty-two year old, very stubborn man - who's in denial - face up to this, when he's liable to bite your head off and stay away from you when told what to do??? No matter what I say he just giggles at me or changes the subject. He's in major denial.

Sorry to upset anyone but I just had to get it down and I've no more to say on the subject right now apart from I'm thinking of organising some kind of intervention.

On a lighter note I had a STS (stay the same) at my WW weigh in which was very kind considering last week's chocolate fest. So, happy happy.

I'm sure things will work out and sorry for the tone of this post.

Love to all from the still within points Angela x x